Time for a Divorce
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. With that in mind, and with some good legal help, I have submitted the following decree to the courts for approval.
Let us begin at the top, you guys like big government so we will give it to you to keep , along with Washington D.C. We will just form a new, smaller government that will be very limited in authority. It’s also noted, that liberals congregate in urban areas and it’s closest suburbs, so you can have all the major cities and suburbs within 20 miles of each city. We will take the rural areas and small towns. We do recognize that some States are very liberal and vote that way each election, such as California. A new map will be drawn up as too which states and which parts of those states will be annexed into the new liberal nation state, the rest will be ours. Travel between liberal property and our property will be by approval only, trespassers will be shot, survivors shot more often.
Now, since we have decided on the property issue, it’s time to look at the lesser issues, although just as important. Since you don’t like wars, we are keeping the military. We will be moving the members of the Pentagon to one of our new underground enclaves that we have taken ownership of from your government. You can keep the Department of Defense, we won’t be needing them. Speaking of government agencies, you can keep all of them for your own use, included in this transfer is the Department of Education, FDA, USDA, DHS, ICE, FBI, EPA and the vast amount of other agencies not mentioned here. We will, if needed, deal with the problems that those agencies have dealt with for decades in a different manner, if at all.
We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You now have sole control of the government to make this better for the greater good. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, we have no use for them. Since you hate guns so much, we will gladly take them off your hands, along with the NRA. You are free to enact all the gun control laws your little hearts desire.
We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. However, we will be drilling on our lands that are rich with oil reserves and until financial arrangements are finalized for imports, you will still need to import from foreign countries. We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag. You can find something more suitable to your liking. We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.” I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the World”. We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security. You can keep the Main Stream Media, we will establish truthful news reporting, that actually talks about the news without the liberal spin.
We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. Speaking of illegal aliens, we will be rounding them up and delivering them to your borders and sending them in. Feel free to feed, house, educate and provide healthcare to them, for free of course. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them. We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
Also included in this decree, you get to keep the Federal Reserve and the Federal Reserve Note (that would be the dollar for those who are unsure). We will make a new currency that will be backed up by gold and silver. Speaking of gold and silver, as it will likely be necessary for you to import the food we grow and raise, we will only be accepting gold or silver as payment, Federal Reserve Notes will not be legal tender here. All past free trade agreements are now null and void for the new United States, you can keep them if you like. We will be assuming the cost of our military, as you do not want them, this should provide you with ample funds for your entitlement programs and your expensive government. As we begin to build factories that will be free of corporate taxes, labor unions will not be allowed, we wish to keep our factories in business, so you get to keep the unions and all their votes as well.
That pretty much sums it up. The liberals will now get their way without the disruption from freedom loving Americans who wish to keep their hard earned money. They can tax all they want and redistribute it as they see fit, without complaints from those who despise theft. They can have their green eco-fascist society they so dream of, we will finally tap our own oil reserves and become self sufficient. We will kill little fish to water our crops, if they have a problem with that, don’t buy the food, we really don’t need your business anyway. They can take care of those who cannot care and do not wish to care for themselves as they see fit. We will now help one another through friendship and charity, without being forced to do so by our old government. Goodbye, Liberals. I wish you the best in your new liberal utopia.